review

It's been quite a year.

To start, an apartment fire. I'd laid there, tired. Probably thinking about whatever insignificant thing. I'd began to smell something, I assumed someone was grilling. That usual charred scent I've smelt from nearby neighbors burning leaves began to bite at my nose. I didn't have the thought that I was mere moments away from beginning to understanding how little the average human being cares for another.

A fire. Smoke had begun to fill the room. In a panic, you assume the things at your disposal will make do. Water, Fire Extinguisher. I'd turned off power at the breaker as to avoid electrocution. It was at that point I realized how inadequate the equipment I had was for the situation. Not a few spurts from the extinguisher and it was spent. It was time for emergency services.

I hadn't placed where the fire originated. If I had, I could've prevented the outcome, but I've had the hard lesson that "If I had only" is an exercise in self-deprecation and pissing into the wind. Looking back, if I were to advise myself in the most vulnerable moments, I would advise myself to not spend time on those that have no time for you. On those that have no skill or ability to understand what comes with losing one's abode. On those that would simply return to their beds at night and sleep soundly whilst you found yourself without. I would advise to focus on one's self and those nearest and dearest.

I've often found that others equate your intelligence and judge their interactions with you based on the walk of life they perceive you to be on. In this situation, I was the lowly renter. I was a risk. I could sue. I was shoved quickly aside. As soon as anything could be, it should be. So be it told by the leasing staff. In several moments during the fiasco--spanning over four months--I would feel almost subhuman. I'd began to feel something that at the time I couldn't put my finger on. I would later understand it was pity. Not for myself, but for the individual that valued another human's situation and ongoing life so little that it was a mere financial transaction. For the individual that wasn't able to look beyond their own lens and provide structure during a time where my own had been taken by flame.

I would find myself homeless for the first time. And an eye opening experience it was. I still hope to find rest in the coming future. While housed once more, I am far from at ease.