It's 3-13, I'm on the way to Walgreens to pick up my first prescription to start my journey. I make a trip to the store and find a cute little gnome doll. I decide to name her Dolores and associate her with my transition. She is now Dolores The Estrogen Gnome.
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I'm officially one month and some odd days into my transition. It's been interesting in a few ways. There were things I'd read and had prepared for and a whole lot I had not. If you're familiar with the political hellscape that is the United States in 2026 as a transgender individual, you're probably familiar with telehealth and the several programs catering to transgender individuals. Of the two I'd considered--Folx and Plume, I decided to go with Plume due to labs being free with their service. It may be more expensive for a membership, but by the time you pay for labs I had my doubts that I'd come out ahead with Folx.
My first month has been affirming. I'm sure now more than ever that what I'm doing is correct, but there are of course adverse thoughts existing with just about any individual going through a life changing event. I am thankful that all of mine have little to do with me and a lot to do with everyone else or circumstance. It makes it easier to know what I want and easier to ignore. When I consider only myself and what I want, I am going down the correct path. Imagine the most beautiful scenery you can with a picturesque brick road but all around you are the most distracting and noisy things. Learning to ignore the noise is the key to both life and a happy transition I am finding.
Affirmations come in many ways. If you've ever taken Estrogen as a MTF individual you've experienced the tenderness of your areolae and breast area. As painful as it can be, that brush with my shirt, or contact with a surface I'd normally brush off as me bumping into something has become wholly something else. A reminder of something beautiful growing inside of me.
I am an individual not particularly aroused or interested in sex at all, but I acknowledge it's necessity and existence. With transitioning has come particular changes in genitalia that I find astounding and affirming. I'm acutely aware of hormones and what portion of the body they effect in ways most cis individuals will never experience and I find that to be propelling. It's funny, most cis male individuals have interest in having large genitalia and at one point in my life perhaps I did too, but with where I am now I am considering the effects of Estrogen wholly affirming and enjoyable.
With the first dose came a calming, centering effect for my mind that's difficult to put to words. As if the chaotic brain I've been living with all of my life finally had a moment of quiet and peace below the willow tree. It's difficult to imagine what Testosterone does to the body and mind until you begin to suppress it and accept another hormone as your own. I am happy to have experienced both but I would never welcome the chaos that comes with Testosterone back into my life.
I am sure the coming months will be just as meaningful and eye opening. I'm excited to share.